[00:00:00] Chad: I, I, I wasn’t crystal clear on what winning was for me, but I knew I was miserable in the moment and I knew something had to give. So, so it wasn’t necessarily getting crystal clear on what the win was, but it was like this. Right. It was definitely a

[00:00:28] Chad: Hey everybody, this is Chad Peevy for today’s podcast. I wanted to share an interview with you that I did with my dear friend Melanie Kenman. Melanie is a very special person to me. We have known one another for a very long time. Uh, we got to know one another through Keller Williams. She is one of the owners of the Keller Williams office in Austin, so she was very gracious to invite.

[00:00:51] Chad: On her platform to be interviewed and I wanted to share it with you. If you don’t know Melanie, I encourage you to get to know her. You can find her on Facebook. Just search for Melanie Kenman and in the meantime, enjoy the podcast.

[00:01:09] Chad: If you like the podcast, be sure to subscribe and leave a five star rating. That helps other listeners discover the podcast and I certainly appreciate it. The podcast is sponsored by the Institute for Human Progress and Development, who have also generously agreed to give you a free copy of my book Break in untangle.

[00:01:27] Chad: To get your free copy, just visit my website, Chad p.com/freebook and let us know where to send it. You can find that link in the program notes. Thank you so much for listening. Now back to the program.

[00:01:47] Melanie: Let’s talk a little bit about our history before we jump into all this. Okay? Okay, so why don’t. Maybe you can talk about like, how did you and I meet? Like how did, How did our past? Cause you’re very special to me and I have my friend, but I’d love to Yours, .

[00:02:04] Chad: Oh boy.

[00:02:05] Melanie: But family,

[00:02:09] Chad: see everybody. She knows me well to give guardrails,

[00:02:14] Chad: That’s right. Keep it clean. Keep it clean. . Um, so Melanie is is precious to me and we go way back. Um, I was asked to, I guess, interview sort of for, uh, for this opportunity kind of opportunity Yeah. That, that you guys were creating at, at the Austin Southwest Market Center right of, for Keller William. And so what they were looking for was like an in-house marketing company, right?

[00:02:46] Chad: Not an employee, but it’s your business. We’ll give you space, we’ll give you the opportunity, but you go off and you make your own thing, right? And help our agents, uh, succeed. And so Melanie was, uh, the team leader there at the time, and she put me through the, the grilling for six whole months. And Wasn Was that long?

[00:03:04] Chad: That long? It was six months

[00:03:05] Melanie: was it was six. And Diane was very much part of that too. Yeah. .

[00:03:10] Chad: So that’s where we started. Yeah. And then, um, just kind of our relationship, I guess, just kind of blossomed over the years. And Melanie is, is is my work wife. I mean, that’s how I refer to

[00:03:25] Melanie: Melanie . I know exactly.

[00:03:27] Melanie: People will get jealous and, and wanna be your white work wife, and you’re like, No, that’s

[00:03:31] Chad: Melanie. Yes, that’s Melanie’s role. Yeah. And. That’s, that’s how

[00:03:36] Melanie: it started, you know? And, and you became such a part of our markets. I mean, you were just part of our team, right? And, and then you, you started this really cool series that the flyer box sponsored called Open House Right?

[00:03:48] Melanie: With Fire. And you had interviewed a few people and then you interviewed me. And I remember, I just loved what you were doing. And then you’re like, Hey, you wanna be the cohost with me? And I was like, Oh my gosh. Absolutely. And we had so much fun. Cause we had a lot of great interviews, right? Yeah, we did. We did.

[00:04:03] Melanie: That was one of my favorite times. So just. You and I are are so close. So then, then you took this path of, you know, you actually created content and you supported a lot of market centers around the country and training programs. Yeah. You, you, Right. And then you found your voice in writing. Yeah. In speaking and training.

[00:04:21] Melanie: And that’s where, that’s what I’m so proud of, is how that all led to this beautiful message that you’re sharing with the world. Thank you. And I just wanted people to know our history a little bit. Like, I really know you as a person and we, we, we really have a, you know, mutually care for each other. Um, and I couldn’t be more proud reading this cuz I, I just think it’s gonna help so many people and I think it’s very courageous and brave to put a, a book out in the world telling your story.

[00:04:48] Melanie: Right? Yeah. A lot

[00:04:50] Chad: of courage. Yeah, a lot of courage. Um, it took me four years to write that book. Wow. Um, so I was writing it when we were doing all of those things, those fun things we were doing in the market center. I remember you talking about, I was going through this whole process of getting my story on paper and putting my experience into words.

[00:05:09] Chad: And, um, for, for folks that end up reading the book, um, it not Easy Topics, it’s, it was not an easy book to write because every time something would come up and I would need. I would have to relive all of these abusive experiences in my experience of coming out, in my experience, like dealing with, with mama issues and daddy issues and all that stuff.

[00:05:32] Chad: Constantly coming up and regurgitating, re trying to remember, am am I thinking about this right? Am I remembering this right? And then at the same time all these feelings that come up around that stuff. And then let’s put this into words in a way that someone else will understand. And, and that was, that was the journey.

[00:05:51] Chad: And it, it took me about four years to do it.

[00:05:53] Melanie: That’s amazing. And I think about, you know, so many people and, and we talk about, you know, playing to win is all about mindset and the way you approach life. And, and for me, when I see something like this, your story is all about, you know, playing in my opinion, like being your true, authentic self.

[00:06:08] Melanie: So I wanna know, like, what is playing to win look like to you?

[00:06:12] Chad: Well, playing to win for me, first of all is defining what winning is. And I spent way too much of my life defining my wins by what somebody else had determined would be a win for me or what that person was doing should be my win too. And that created an enormous amount of anxiety.

[00:06:34] Chad: Um, constant anxiety that I’m not doing the right thing. I should be doing more. I should be doing it this way. I should be doing it like that person’s doing it. And it also kept me from ever getting to a win because I’m constantly chasing somebody else’s dream that wasn’t real for me, that it wasn’t authentic for me.

[00:06:52] Chad: And, and that just, It was anxiety about creating this future, right? Anxiety is, is is the gap between the way things are and the way we want them to be. So creating anxiety, but then, uh, in moments of reflection, depression, because it’s like, I’ve not been doing, you know, depression is, is rage turned inward.

[00:07:10] Chad: That’s the way Freud talked about depression, rage turned inward. And that was me constantly mad at myself because I wasn’t winning that I wasn’t creating those wins. And so the first step for, for the way that I look. The first step in plan to win is, is what is a win for me. And getting really serious and really contemplative about answering the question, what do I want?

[00:07:33] Chad: Not what is expected of me, not what does somebody else think I should be doing, but what do I want? And getting crystal clear on that answer.

[00:07:40] Melanie: I love that. And, and when you get clear on that answer, like if more people could have that answer, what would their life look?

[00:07:49] Chad: Totally different, I would imagine, than the way it is, because I would imagine that a lot of us, you know, the, the subtitle in my book is Discovering the Freedom to be You despite the Inherited Mindsets Holding You Back.

[00:08:00] Chad: Because I would imagine a lot of people are going through their lives with an inherited mindset of what their life should be about, what their life should, how their win is gonna be created. It was all inherited. They never took the time to slow down and really think about. But we just kind of pick things up like knickknacks that live in our head, and h we hoard and we operate based on those knickknacks and beliefs that we’ve picked up here, there, and everywhere.

[00:08:27] Chad: Right? So I would imagine that people’s lives would look a lot different. For me, it was, I was trying to create, um, I did the, uh, real estate marketing business with you that did a spinoff, and I created the agent school where we were training new agents to do the marketing themselves. Basically, like there’s a lot of stuff that you can do on your own.

[00:08:44] Chad: Absolutely. Even that pivot wasn’t, I wa wasn’t me. It, it just, it just wasn’t me. And, and so I was, I was successful. I was training agents literally around the world. You really were. Um, I, I was making great money and by all, all, uh, outside standards looking in at me, it was that guy’s winning. But that guy was miserable.

[00:09:07] Chad: Absolutely miserable. And what’s, I guess, what’s most scary, and I, and I would imagine people think about, Trying to get to a place of, okay, what is winning for me and then how do I get there? Is that I, I, I wasn’t crystal clear on what winning was for me, but I knew I was miserable in the moment and I knew something had to give.

[00:09:31] Chad: Yeah, so, so it wasn’t necessarily getting crystal clear on what the win was, but it was like this. Right. You just definitely aim it. Right,

[00:09:41] Melanie: Exactly. And acknowledging like, okay. And, and it’s funny cuz on paper and to the world, Mr. P, it did look like you’re winning, right? I mean, you, you had, we’d launched into multi, you went into another market center, and then you went onto all these market centers and created all this content and people flew in to be in workshops with you.

[00:10:00] Melanie: I mean, people flew

[00:10:01] Chad: from. International flights coming to see a little me, you know? I know. And then, and then Keller Williams International reaches out, Hey, what are you doing? Go speak at family reunion. Tell everybody what you’re doing. And it, it was just like, Yeah.

[00:10:14] Melanie: Right. And so from everybody else’s standpoint, you look like you were winning big.

[00:10:18] Melanie: And I remember you sitting in my office one day and we’re just talking about life, and you really were getting on this path of writing and telling your story. And, and I could see the, you know, that flame in you, like there, here it comes, right here it comes. And, and finding your passion and, and so many people listening might be, Why is Melanie Kenman like on her playing to win series, where I usually have agents, so I’m here.

[00:10:42] Melanie: Why is she having an author series? Guys, there’s nothing more important than you living your best life, and I think that people miss the, the boat and that, You know, we always say Keller Williams, it’s not who you are, it’s who you become. And so it, it’s like the wheel of life, right? If you have a flat tire, that’s not a great.

[00:11:00] Melanie: Right. And so I share often that, you know, my, my biggest focus right now is health and that wasn’t for years. Right? But whatever that is, unless you have a well rounded, uh, wheel or whatever you wanna call it, are you really your living your fullest life? And I think that’s really what your book is about, because so many things that get people’s way, Of having that life is the programming or where they came from, from their childhood, whatever.

[00:11:26] Melanie: Yeah. And they’re allowing that to hold them back,

[00:11:29] Chad: right? Yeah. Or circumstance or, or just, you know, as a result of that upbringing and what we went through and, and yeah, we just, like, I fell into real estate. Totally by accident. I mean, I wasn’t a little kid going, Ooh, I really wanna get in the real estate space.

[00:11:45] Chad: Like that was not it at all. It was just one accident after another. And that’s where I land.

[00:11:52] Melanie: Right, which got you to where you are today, which is by the way, you have relocated to now you’re in beautiful city of San Francisco and uh, your husband got a great opportunity there, so I’m very, very excited for you.

[00:12:04] Melanie: And, um,

[00:12:11] Melanie: okay, so it says, and you just mentioned for the four years, but this project took me more than four years to. It took me so long because it was difficult for me to write what I’m sharing with you in these pages. Throughout the process, I struggled greatly with sharing intimate details about my family and myself.

[00:12:27] Melanie: I spent many sleepless nights, second guessing myself, wondering if my recollection recollections, uh, were, um, recollections if I could talk, were accurate, wondering if what I remembered had actually happened. I think that we all have that. I wonder if there are other things in my subconscious that’s still protecting me, that it’s still protecting me from, I worried about the impact of this book, what it’ll have on my family.

[00:12:50] Melanie: I worried what my husband would think of me when he read this book since many of these things I’d never even shared with him until this book was written. Um, my heart was heavy throughout the process, and the fear of facing and exposing the truth was often. Nonetheless. I wrote the book anyway. I wrote it because I wanted to share with you what I’ve learned about surviving, thriving, and experiencing what I call personal freedom.

[00:13:16] Melanie: I wrote it because I wanted to share with you the path that I discovered. For a better life. I wrote it to create a, a movement of people who were willing to break the cycle of abuse and trauma that had plagued families like mine for generations. In order for me to continue my own journey of healing, I have to do all I can in this life to help others along the way.

[00:13:36] Melanie: I hope you recognize, and he the calling of this book so you can step into who you truly. Recognize your own greatness. Recognize your power to make a difference in others’ lives. Realize that your own healing lies in the service of helping others and break the cycle of abuse that you’ve endured.

[00:13:54] Melanie: Finally, I hope that you give yourself permission to live fully as the person you have worked so hard to become. Boom. That’s beautiful. That’s beautiful. Made me wanna read it. I mean, I already wanted to read it, right? But I read that. I’m like, boom. I love that. I love that. And, and, and you know, now the more I think of it, you know, you understand the life of a real estate agent, and I know more.

[00:14:16] Melanie: It’s not just real estate agents that will listen, but that’s the, the target audience, right? So you’ve lived in our world, you know, the lives that we live, you’ve seen it, you’ve been in the trenches with us. You know, I was an. You’ve been an agent. Exactly. So, So I find that this is so, Gosh, after what’s happened this last year, I’ve just, I, I either agents are having like their best lives ever or they’re kind of in a funk and trying to navigate the new normal and, and, and there’s some, um, you know, not knowing what’s, is it safe out there?

[00:14:47] Melanie: Now you’ve got the Delta variant and you know, you don’t wanna be, have a fear effect, whatever, but a lot of that is anxiety. It’s, it’s whatever. So, So I love that this book really dives. Um, to, to kind of facing those things about yourself. It’s really a workbook kind of, There’s Right, It’s very interactive.

[00:15:04] Melanie: It’s not just something you read. It’s, it’s a doing law. It’s something you do. Yeah. Yeah. What made you write the book? I know you talked a little bit about it, but what really, when, when that started brewing and you were like, I, I look successful on paper to the world, uh, but I’m not feeling it yet. What, what made you know that it was time to write a book?

[00:15:24] Melanie: Or get that message out or that we something a different direction calling you. Was there something that kinda

[00:15:29] Chad: brought you there? Yeah, I, I think

[00:15:36] Chad: it was the way that I could contribute. Um, I, I think I’ve struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. Yeah. And one of the things that I. That I have to always remind myself of when I get in that place is to get out of self and get into service, and almost always without fail, that is the cure for my depression.

[00:16:04] Chad: is that I’ve spent so much time feeling sorry for myself, being mad at myself, being so caught up with the self that I’m not in service, I’m not thinking about anybody but me, and that’s a lonely, lonely. Yeah, and so writing the book was my way of being of service. I just found that that would be the vehicle for me to do what I wanted to do in that space to help others.

[00:16:31] Chad: Just like, you know, with, with real estate, you know, it, it’s not about, The business of real estate. It, it’s just a vehicle for you to express who you are and who you wanna be and how you wanna show up in the world. It’s just a vehicle. And so this was just my vehicle. I wanted to do that. I

[00:16:47] Melanie: I love that. And, and you know, I think, um, you know, when you think of a real estate agent, for example, you know, their, their job is serving others, right?

[00:16:55] Melanie: Their job. Serving clients and serving, you know, making things happen for them and taking care of them in a really great agent serves at a very high level. Mm-hmm. , so. Right. And I, I love that, that mindset shift of, you know, if you’re kind of too stuck in the funk of you , you know, and your drama and you’re stuff That is so true because I’ve experienced that too in leadership.

[00:17:15] Melanie: Right. If I’m too in, in my fun or my problems, I’m like all. All right. What do I need to change here? Right. When you shifted outwards on helping others. Yeah. Like, like for example, um, you, you know what Red Day is, And so this, this year, you know, we had a really weird year and I transitioned to North and all that, and our numbers are starting to show up and I’m like, boom, it’s happened.

[00:17:35] Melanie: And Right. Our agents are really like breaking every record. It’s amazing. And then Red Day happened and it blew me away of the giving parts of our. Because we aligned ourself with a cause called Austin Angels, who’s all about foster care. And you know that talk about, you know, the average kid at 18, if they’ve not been adopted, it’s the streets, drugs, suicide, homelessness.

[00:17:57] Melanie: Like even though they could go to college, but they don’t feel worthy. And how heartbreaking is that? So, so, Austin Angels kind of fills the gap of like helping kids fill their special. So now, you know, Red Day came and went. We helped 4 72 kids and then we said, you know, we want this to be an ongoing thing.

[00:18:14] Melanie: And so now, and we just col we were gonna collect 150 backpacks. Like there’s all these cool things we’d help. Our agents said 150 and they blew past us. We collected 352. Oh wow. Why? And to me, that was culture. That’s how I know that our, our office is thriving because that community and that like giving to others, and I I, I love that you said that is get out of yourself and get more into serving others, right?

[00:18:41] Melanie: Yeah. That’s a big thing. Absolutely. Um, one, one of my favorite chapters in here is becoming chapter. Okay, and on pa, I’m on page 1 26 and 1 27. And I just wanna read a little bit of this. Um, I just thought it’s so, because I think all of us are becoming right and, and some of us are kind of farther, further farther, I guess with an a cause it’s distance farther along in the process of self-discovery and really identifying who you are and, and even allowing yourself to be.

[00:19:16] Melanie: Right. And I think so many people get caught up in the, what should I be? Who should I be from whatever programming they’ve had, right? Instead of, who am I really in embracing that? Um, yeah. And it says on page 1 26, it says, I don’t believe our purpose here is to just survive our past and coast to the grave.

[00:19:34] Melanie: Once we’re on the other side of survival, the experiences we survive prepare us for the more meaningful ones that we’ll follow. You discover that meaning through your service to others, through your gifts, and by becoming the full potential that is within you, there’s so much more to be experienced and shared in in this life.

[00:19:52] Melanie: The question is, will you allow yourself to step into your own process of becoming,

[00:20:01] Melanie: Yeah. Million

[00:20:05] Chad: dollar question. It’s a hard question because with becoming becomes, um, become responsibility and that’s, that in itself is tough. You know, it, I’m, uh, I’m so struggling with this myself right now. You’re gonna make me cry. No, I’m sorry.

[00:20:27] Melanie: That’s okay. You can cry. You know, you know it’s stone in my office.

[00:20:30] Chad: Yeah. Yeah. We, we’ve, I’ve cried with you. You’ve, I dunno if you’ve cried with me, but I’ve definitely cried with you before. Yeah, I mean the process of becoming, First of all, we have to believe in that vision of who we can be and the gifts that we’ve been given. And let me tell you, for me, it is hard to accept the gifts I’ve been given.

[00:20:52] Chad: It’s hard to step back and objectively say, Chad Pbe, you’re good at X, Y, and Z, and you have some give. That’s really hard. I mean, that in itself is a freaking process for me. That I, I still work on. And then it’s like, okay, let’s say you are good at X, Y, and Z. Then there’s all this responsibility of like, what do you do with that now?

[00:21:15] Chad: Like, how do you show up and how do you give that and what’s the mechanism by which you give it? Like that’s, that’s a whole other thing. And what is most scary for me is, let’s say I do that, then what if somebody actually counts on me? .

[00:21:32] Melanie: It’s respons responsibility, right?

[00:21:34] Chad: Yeah. Yeah. It’s like what if, what if people like listen to me and rely on me for like inside and, and what I’ve done here?

[00:21:44] Chad: It’s like that’s scary too. . Yeah. Right. There’s a to of fear around all of this becoming thing, but that is the million dollar questions like, am I gonna allow myself to step into that process? Because Right. Process, and there’s a lot of responsibility and a lot to.

[00:21:58] Melanie: There is, and you know, I, uh, it’s maybe camp this week in South Africa and I got to be on like a leadership panel yesterday and this morning.

[00:22:06] Melanie: We talked a lot about that. Right? And, and like that putting yourself out there and what does leadership look like. And I think when you’re your true, when you really become. You’re true. You know, and like you said, like it’s almost like you’re afraid of your gifts. Like you, you’re afraid to put ’em out there because like, I, I remember when we were you in the coaching skills camp, uh, didn’t you go to that one time in Lost Pine?

[00:22:29] Melanie: Did you go to that? Yeah. Okay. Well there’s a, uh, you do a board breaking. Session right. Where you like write your limiting beliefs on and then you break the board. Yeah. And great, That was a great course. That was one of my favorite courses that Diana had written. And it, and, and you write on those and then you break through and, and I saw, I wrote online and I saw so many people is, uh, you know, like letting your light shine.

[00:22:54] Melanie: Kind of like it’s okay to allow your greatness out because your greatness in you does not dim. The light of others. Yeah. Right. Don’t let, don’t, don’t believe that for a second. Because if you’re really in an authentic place and you’re living a gift zone, You’re not doing it to like show off or make somebody feel less, that’s about them, not you.

[00:23:16] Melanie: If anything, you showing your gifts and when you become this, this chapter really spoke to me when probably because I’ve done so much work, uh, I’ve had a transitional year, as you know, right? Like going from nine and a half years at one location to a new one during a global pandemic. But redefining things and how do you lead during covid and all that.

[00:23:35] Melanie: So I’ve had my own stuff with this. Right? Yeah. And, and what I, At the end of the day, when you are your best self every day for your people or whoever your people are, but the people you serve, like you said, when I serve others, that’s all I need to focus on. And when you shine your light, when you shine your light, And you do it in a way that’s with love and kindness, you’re actually giving other permission, other people permission to do the same.

[00:24:02] Chad: Yep. But it’s a mindset thing that Yeah. And that’s a really, that’s a really, um, nice way of saying it. There’s the flip side of that, that it’s also extremely narcissistic not to share. Yes. Because it’s gre. And you’re, and, and by not sharing that gift is actually really stingy. Yeah.

[00:24:23] Melanie: Um, Right. It’s so true.

[00:24:25] Melanie: And a waste of a, What does Wayne Dyers say? Don’t die with your music inside of

[00:24:29] Chad: you. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we gotta leave it all on the field, you know, like, I, I think we forget that life is short. I had a, a health spell too, as you know, like this, this last month. Yeah. And. The lesson was move quicker,

[00:24:45] Chad: Right. I was, I was going about my regular day, all day long. This on this day. Yeah. 1:00 AM hit that night and I was in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. It happened that fast. I had no idea going through my day, eating my lunch, you know, messing around, not being, not putting myself out there, not trying to help other people.

[00:25:06] Chad: Just kind of going through the motions. Right. And then that I’m in the hospital. Like, gotta move. Right? Stop being stingy. Stop, stop holding it in and, and, and adopt a mindset of generosity. I love

[00:25:23] Melanie: that. I love that. You know, and it

[00:25:24] Chad: it, I just wanna say one other thing. I was reading this book yesterday about, about, um, it wasn’t even about this, but they threw it in.

[00:25:31] Chad: It was a psychology book, and they were talking about how. Like in psychology, people that put out methodologies, sometimes they’re afraid of being wrong, right? Mm-hmm. , or it’s that one method. But when we put our thing out there, it’s not like we’re saying this is objective truth. It’s just my. Subjective truth.

[00:25:52] Chad: It’s just, it’s like when you go to a museum, like you don’t go to one painting and say, That is the painting, That is the way all painting should be done in this style. Right, right, right. It’s just, it’s, it’s an art and, and when we put ourselves out there, if we can think of it more as an art for me, that gave me a little bit more permission to be like, Okay, so it doesn’t work for somebody else that’s.

[00:26:14] Chad: But the way I wanted to express myself and the way I wanted express what I’m doing was this. And that’s just my experience. It’s just my, my art form. I love it. I dunno if that’s helpful,

[00:26:24] Melanie: but that’s, I, I love it. And I love the idea is that it’s almost like, you know, it is stingy to not share your gifts with the world.

[00:26:32] Melanie: Cause you know, what had you not, you have no idea Chad Kiy, who you’ll. With this, Like, who needs to read this? Right. It’s like, who needs that one person? Even if it’s just one person. Yeah. That four years of work was worth it. Yeah. If you can save one person from committing suicide or, or, or finding their happier, we don’t even know what it is.

[00:26:57] Melanie: Right. But then it was, Don’t you agree? Like then it was worth it. I do. It was all worth it. And that’s what I think every day is like, you know, it’s funny and, and these two panels that I was on happened to be with people I’ve been friends with for a long time, like Louis Shero and, and Karen pr, like long time leaders like me.

[00:27:15] Melanie: Right? And both of them made the comment that I actually inspired them back in the day when I was in re. That’s great. And I was like, I didn’t even thought of that. Right. And it’s like, wow. You just never know. Right? And they’ve gone on to do really great things in the company and I’m like, That’s amazing.

[00:27:31] Melanie: You never know what you’re positive. Because with Lucas, I was the first person to be like, Lucas, you should be a team leader like you. You should do, You’re

[00:27:39] Chad: so good. You just planted that little seed. That was it. That was all it took.

[00:27:44] Melanie: That’s all it. But that’s what I mean is you never know. And that’s why I, I really, I mean that’s why I give my life’s purpose to helping people, you know, uh, have a better life, you know?

[00:27:55] Melanie: And I think real estate can be an amazing part of that. If you don’t like real estate, don’t do real estate, do something else. But, But do you not like real estate or is it just. Just you don’t like your life, you don’t like yourself, you don’t like the way you think. Fix yourself first. Right? It’s an inside out job, and that’s what this talks about.

[00:28:11] Melanie: So I go to the next page on 1 27. It says, The process of becoming relies on your acknowledgement that there’s a gap in your life. Becoming requires an acknowledgement. There are things you wanna get, an experience in life that you don’t have yet. The tools to receive. A mindset that sees the bridge to be crossed, that spans between where you are and where you wanna be.

[00:28:33] Melanie: This process requires you recognize that the person you wanna become is someone within your power to create. It’s not happenstance that you step into the person you’re meant to be. It’s through a process, process that will go on for the rest of your

[00:28:46] Chad: life. You know what inspired that ? So I will keep this rated G, but

[00:28:54] Chad: Thank

[00:28:55] Melanie: you. . I do wanna save this so I can share. Ok. .

[00:29:01] Chad: So I was listening to, I don’t remember where I found it, but it was Tony Robbins and Tony Robbins was talking about who he had become. And he said, Do you think I’m just like this? I was just born this way. No, I created this mother . You

[00:29:19] Melanie: know what?

[00:29:21] Chad: Yeah. He’s like, This isn’t me.

[00:29:24] Chad: I created this, I created this. And that stuck with me from the moment he said, It’s actually written, The full thing is written on this whiteboard over here. It it’s create this person, right? Like create. It’s not just gonna hap it’s not gonna happen Netflix and chilling. Like it’s not just gonna the, the, the Holy Spirit.

[00:29:44] Chad: It’s not just gonna move you and you’re all of a sudden gonna be this this person, person, you’ve gotta go create it. You’ve gotta be coming. And, you know, with the real estate folks, what is it like of all the real estate agents? What is it? 15% actually produce?

[00:29:59] Melanie: Or, or Well we say the 80 20 rule, right? But okay, so 20%, right?

[00:30:03] Chad: 20. Let’s say 20%. The other 80%, they’re not stupid people. And it’s not like they don’t have access to all the tools and all the training. I’ve seen it, all the resources that are available to you, especially if you’re with Keller Williams, it’s a mindset thing. That’s the only difference between the guy at the bottom and the guy at the top is what’s between his ears.

[00:30:24] Chad: That’s it. And it’s not about being super smart, right? It’s just about doing. And I read this quote yesterday, you know, in real estate I think is this is especially this, but when you see a rocket ship, don’t overthink it. Just get on board. You know? So for the 80% that that aren’t producing right, don’t overthink it.

[00:30:43] Chad: Just get on board the rocket. Just go, Just go do it. Love.

[00:30:47] Melanie: I love that. I love that. You know, and you know, we, we hire experienced agent, we hire new agents. So you know, we have coaches and all that. Cause I know you’re very familiar with how Keller Williams, you’ve been super, I mean, like I said, you were such a part of our team and I just, those are some of my most fun times as, as partnering with you.

[00:31:03] Melanie: Um, and, and, and yes. Who’s showing up, right? And it’s like everybody has the same opportunity. Has the same everything, tools, and, and yet you’ll see that that sparkle in somebody and man, they’re showing up every day. They’re implementing, they’re having conversations with people.

[00:31:22] Chad: Yeah. And, and let me say for, because I can so relate to the person that overthinks it, that’s at like the se in the 75%, right?

[00:31:30] Chad: I have worked with very closely the, the top and I, I promise. They’re not smarter than you. I, I’m, and I’m on the outside now, and I can say that they’re not smarter than you. They’re just doing things. They’re just doing it. They’re not overthinking, They’re not second guessing themselves. They put, they get their systems in place.

[00:31:50] Chad: They create, they, they adopt a process or create their own, and they just go and they’re super successful. And the only difference is you’re not just getting on the rocket. You’re thinking about way too much stuff. You don’t need to know how it all works. Just get on board and go. I

[00:32:09] Melanie: love that. I love that.

[00:32:10] Melanie: Which leads me right into my next session, darling. It’s like we rehearse this and we even, so, Cause I wanted to kinda keep it, you know, keep you on your toes a little bit. This leads me to another favorite chapter of mine, which is productivity. Yeah. And that’s chapter eight. So I’m on page, let’s see, that’s uh, 2 0 5 and I love.

[00:32:29] Melanie: It says men, I love the quote. It says, Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless hate that they hurt you past it , Right? Like, right. What, what? Why that quote for

[00:32:39] Chad: productivity? Um, because I think when I was going, so I, I like to think of like, I got my MBA at Keller Williams. Like I grew up in that company.

[00:32:48] Chad: I got my MBA from Keller Williams, but I misunderstood some things along the way. One of the things that I misunderstood was product. Because I got the maps coach, I was doing my time blocking, and when I looked at my calendar, it was like a badge of honor that every minute was blocked out. Thanks. And what I realized was I had blocked me completely out of my time.

[00:33:15] Chad: Like I was doing all the things necessary to get the goal to achieve the thing. There was never any time to celebrate that thing, to recognize the good that I’d done, to include other people in my victories, to walk my dog, to be with my husband, to, to do things right. Productivity is, is, I think, very misunderstood.

[00:33:39] Chad: I, I redefined productivity in the book is showing up and doing that, which is necessary in the. That which is necessary in the moment, and sometimes what is necessary is to relax. Sometimes what is necessary is to have a, a meaningful conversation with your spouse. Sometimes what is necessary is, is shooting the bull with the boys at work, right?

[00:34:00] Chad: It’s just necessary and that thing, just because it’s not time on task, doesn’t mean it isn’t productive.

[00:34:08] Melanie: Exactly, and, and, and that really spoke to me because so many, and, and you know, I’m guilty of this too, I get so mad at myself, Chad, when I have the end of the day and, and all day. Yesterday was one of those days.

[00:34:22] Melanie: Uh, don’t tell anybody, but I started at eight with meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting. And I had zero time to reflect. To catch my breath. Yeah. To follow up. Right. And it, it’s like I don’t usually do that to myself. So I’ve gotten really good at that. But it, productivity does not mean. Just, you’re going, going and blowing and missing life.

[00:34:44] Melanie: Right? And, and missing life. And I love this chapter and I think every agent or human being that’s listening to this right now, you need to really look at this chapter and you talk about, um, the reason people stay, stay so attached to the busyness of their lives is because without it, they’re left with something.

[00:35:02] Melanie: They are really uncomfortable. Themselves. Mm-hmm. . It’s really no different than the awkwardness of sitting alone in a room with a stranger. If you fill your days and effectively your mind with mindless, unnecessary obligations, you leave no time or room for you to be with

[00:35:21] Chad: yourself. Yeah. Being with yourself can be extremely uncomfortable if you don’t know who you are.

[00:35:28] Chad: Yeah, and a lot of people don’t know who they. And so they fill their time with work. That’s what I did. Yeah. It was work, work, work, work, work. Because I couldn’t stand what was left over when it was just me sitting with me. For some people that’s drinking, For some people that’s drugs. For some people that’s gambling.

[00:35:45] Chad: Yeah. We all find our vice to Right. Fill the void and essentially to numb ourselves to living. Right. Uh, and knowing ourselves. Right.

[00:35:58] Melanie: I see that a lot. Chad, sorry to interrupt you. You’re good. Like living in Germany for nine years, Right? I, I saw different cultures. Okay. And, and this is not a good or bad or anything, but I saw that we live differently than Europeans.

[00:36:09] Melanie: Okay. We, in the United States, we are praised for being workaholics. Yep. We take one week, a year maybe, maybe two. If you have a really great gig, you might get two weeks off a. And you’re right. And in Germany it’s like, you know, well, we take the month of July off and then we do that. Right? And, and, and, and yeah.

[00:36:28] Melanie: And, and there’s science that shows they’re actually happier in their role because they’re taking more me time. They’re not, they’re, they’re, It’s the badge of honor is not, I worked myself to death. That is not the badge of honor in a lot of, in a lot of other countries, not just Europe. Um, and, and this resonates a lot with me because in our world it is, right?

[00:36:48] Melanie: And, and it’s an avoidance thing because a lot of us don’t have friends or don’t have like a real connection with people. Yeah. And if that’s missing for you, then you need to time block some time to find some people that mean some, right? We’re looking at the whole picture. And I thought that really hit home.

[00:37:09] Melanie: I think that’s gonna sit for a lot of people that, like, I love my alone time because it’s like, Oh, I can breathe. I can, There’s so much I can get in my creative zone. Mm-hmm. , I love my time with me. Yeah. When I don’t get it, I’m really unhappy. And that’s where I start feeling like I’m not in the right role, you know?

[00:37:25] Melanie: And I’m like, No. Who controls my calendar? Oh yeah, that’s right. I do.

[00:37:28] Chad: Mm-hmm. , I do. Right. It’s what I, I see those pictures of you sitting by the pool and reading on the weekends and you do it, and I think that’s so important. Oh, yeah. And I, I think it’s, it maybe skipped over a little bit, but I don’t, I don’t know if it’s the motto of Keller Williams, but it, it, it’s God, family, business, business is third.

[00:37:50] Chad: Right. It’s the driver for, you know, and if it’s not God for you, for me, it’s spirituality like being in touch with my spirit, being in touch with. Right. That, that’s, that’s most important because that’s not in check and in alignment. Family’s gonna be miserable with you. You’re not gonna be any fun to be around divorce or to sell people.

[00:38:10] Chad: Not gonna be cute. Right. And then the business, I mean, you’re, and you’re right, we wear like a badge of honor to be super productive and be busy. And we celebrate it in this culture. But I, but I, but we’re, we’re experiencing the consequence of that, especially in covid. Because you’re not able to be around people the way you once were.

[00:38:30] Chad: And so it’s the, the, the consequences of that are acute for us, especially right now. Yeah. Yeah. So, so productivity is as much about connection is as it is about task. We just have to, it’s a mindset thing. We have to readjust how we’re thinking about what is productive and if productive is working yourself to an early grave.

[00:38:57] Chad: I mean, what did that really serve at the end of the day? I mean, are exactly, are really happy with that decision. You know, do you want, on your tombstone, he worked really hard. . Exactly, Exactly. Master of checklist and Excel spreadsheets. Like, Right. How many

[00:39:10] Melanie: wants that? Exactly right. Instead of like, how many adventures did I have?

[00:39:15] Melanie: How many did I impact? Right? And so it’s much of a story. I love how on page 2 0 7, you talk about Henry Ford. , and you said when Henry Ford introduced the 40 hour work week in his factories, he was replacing the existing 48 hour work week. Mm-hmm. , I had no idea. If the purpose was to increase productivity, why decrease the work hours?

[00:39:35] Melanie: Because Ford understood that more hours of production were actually hurting individual productivity. The long hours didn’t allow for workers to have balance. Their day was structured in a way that denied them the opportunity. Um, and it’s also denied them the opportunity to buy his cars, right? ? Mm-hmm. . So, so isn’t that interesting?

[00:39:54] Melanie: Right? So it’s, I’m not saying there’s a perfect work life balance that can neatly fit into three square time blocks a day, especially these days when many of us are working from home and redefining what it means to be at work, right? Cause we’re working virtual. Our work is less physical and more intellectually taxing.

[00:40:11] Melanie: And those kind of demands alone require another way to think about our productivity. .

[00:40:17] Chad: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, It’s, it’s easy to think of the guy that’s, that’s digging ditches. Like you go dig the ditch for eight hours and then you’re done. And there’s a very tangible outcome and there’s a very, you know, moic exercise, physical labor involved with that.

[00:40:33] Chad: It’s very clear cut. Right. But for most of us, especially in the service industry, like it, I know because I, I’ve, I’ve lived it, you know, answering the phone at 11 o’clock at night or texting, you know, the, the client 11 at night or going to dinner and, and texting your way through dinner while your kids, you’re sitting there looking at you like, remember me, you , you know who I am.

[00:40:54] Chad: You know, like that is,

[00:40:57] Melanie: that is laugh, but it’s true.

[00:40:59] Chad: That is not life. Hm. It’s not life. And, and if, if that’s the way things are going, I think it’s time to reevaluate. You know, really check in with yourself and, and ask. Do you want that kid to know you ?

[00:41:14] Melanie: Well, when’s the last time you planned a trip? One on or Or just a day with that kid one on one, right?

[00:41:19] Melanie: Yeah. Or, or just prioritizing. And really, and I think what Covid and the isolation stuff did a lot of pe, a lot of families did reconnect, right? There was a lot of reconnecting because people couldn’t run around and be busy and avoid their life. So there were also a lot of upsides to it, as much as there’s terrible downsides, but you know what I mean?

[00:41:38] Melanie: I think there was some connect. Or it went the other way where people really got lost and fell into depression and Right. It, it, it went both ways. And

[00:41:46] Chad: so, yes, but both of those, both of those are in need of the, of the, the retro reflection that that’s, that. Necessary to, number one, if you are spending all that time with your family.

[00:41:56] Chad: I think it’s especially important that we bring awareness to the mindsets that those kids are inheriting from us, or the mindset that our spouse is inheriting from us when they’re spending all that time with us. Yeah. They’re learning from you, your spouse, your kids, the people that are working for you, they’re learning from you every minute that they’re around you, and I think we need to be really, really aware of what we’re teaching them.

[00:42:20] Chad: Yeah, and, and I don’t know if. It, it, the money chapter was, makes that really, really apparent. Uh, there’s a chapter in the book called, uh, On Money where I talk about money mindset and writing our money story and how we become more and more aware of the inherited beliefs through the mechanisms of money just because it, it.

[00:42:41] Chad: Permeate so much of our lives. Oh, for sure. But that person needs that time to think and do exercises like I’ve written in this book. But the person that’s depressed, depress is rage turned inward. What are you mad about? It’s I, I, If that’s what you’re experiencing, it’s time to figure out what are you mad about?

[00:42:59] Chad: What’s going on? You don’t have to be that way. You don’t have to feel depress. And for me, I, I’ve done the meds and I’m not, I’m not your doctor, so ask your doctor. But for me, the meds were just another way to numb it and get back to being productive. And that wasn’t the answer for me. I had a lot of stuff I had to work out and, and that was, that’s gonna last me a lifetime.

[00:43:22] Chad: Right. I did, I knew I didn’t wanna spend a lifetime on the. But, but really digging in, facing myself, literally, like facing myself in the mirror and dealing with the stuff I’d gone through as a kid. Right. Dealing with it, it’s, it’s embarrassing. I hate to say it, it’s embarrassing as an adult to look back on as a young adult, the way I had created this projection and transference of my parents on the people around me and how I lashed out at them and how I treated.

[00:43:50] Chad: And dealing with all that as you mature and get a little older. It’s hard work. I’m not denying that. Yeah. But it’s worth going through that work, even if it takes you four years and you don’t even have to write a book about it, . But even if it takes the four years, those four years are gonna pass anyway.

[00:44:05] Chad: You might as well come out on the other side of that four years knowing yourself a little bit better. Being a, being in a place where you can contribute more love, more deeply, have better connection, connect with the people that matter to you, and then know that you know, it’s not just about you feeling it, but them knowing how you feel about them.

[00:44:24] Chad: Yeah, that’s possible. It’s possible when you put in the work. Well, and

[00:44:27] Melanie: I love that. And, and of course if anybody is listening and they are, you know, taking any kind of antidepressant, whatever, there’s no judgment here. We’re

[00:44:35] Chad: just saying, saying, No, no, I’ve done it .

[00:44:37] Melanie: And some people might need it, right? Yeah.

[00:44:38] Melanie: Some people really might chemically need it, but his point here is, and and I love that you went the way you might, right? Cause you and I are very into functional medicine, which if you guys have anything, you know what? We real well, Both Chad and I, we both are very close with the Dr. U Pier and Austin and, um, What we loved about it is it’s the whole picture, right?

[00:44:59] Melanie: Because mental health is part of that picture. . Wow. Very much so. Mental health is part of that. Picture how your body functions, right? Instead of just, Excuse me, I told you, Chad. Sorry, You know, a few years back when I started my whole health thing, you know, I went to two different doctors and they’re, they wanted to just give me a pill.

[00:45:20] Melanie: They said, You need antidepressant and anti, And I was like, Excuse me, have

[00:45:29] Melanie: issues too, and we can work on that. But I don’t appeal for a, a, you know, whatever is not gonna fix the way I physically feel. And that’s when I found Dr. U. Which was a godsend for me. And you know, you, you went down the same path, is what’s really going on. Right. And like you said, deal with what’s really going on.

[00:45:47] Melanie: What are you mad at now? I love the depression. Is, is, is, um, what is it? Rage turned inward? Yeah, rage turned inward. It’s right. So if you, so if you aren’t dealing with that and you’re right, look, get some help because there’s great therapists out there. There’s all kinds of people out there that are really trained and to.

[00:46:06] Melanie: Find a healthy way for you because you don’t, you don’t have to feel that way if you physically No,

[00:46:10] Chad: you don’t. Yeah. And you know, I just spent four days in the hospital, so I, this is really fresh on my mind. When I went to the hospital, no one touched my body. No one touched my body, but they filled me full of drugs.

[00:46:26] Chad: And here’s, here’s my message on that. What I, what I learned. Whether it’s with a therapist or with your doctor or, or anything. I’m not a patient. I am a participant in my health. And thank God that Pasha was there and, and was guiding that saying, Is that really necessary? We need to be thinking about this.

[00:46:45] Chad: We need to be doing that. We had to be participants and, and you know, and like you said, I’m not judging anybody that does the drugs. I, I. Yeah. But be a participant in that process. Yeah. Question

[00:46:58] Melanie: everything, right? I would, everything a meeting with Mark King earlier this week and he said, Question everything and be open everything.

[00:47:05] Chad: That’s great

[00:47:05] Melanie: advice, but question it too open. Be open for everything and, and question everything. Yes. Because you are a participant, right? You are just, you’re not on the sidelines of your life, guys. No. This is your, this

[00:47:16] Chad: is your, you ultimately pay the price. Right? Exactly. You ultimately pay the price, right?

[00:47:21] Chad: And so be a participant and, and you know, I talk about therapy in the book a lot, and, and this applies to that. It, these things are just one piece, right? You’ve gotta, It’s like you said, it’s the whole person and the whole person there. There are a lot of different things and a lot of different pieces to, to our wellbeing.

[00:47:39] Chad: It’s not just the therapy, it’s the coaching, it’s eating right. It, it’s it’s exercise. It’s all the things that go on with us that affect what’s going on in our life. That’s

[00:47:48] Melanie: right. It’s the whole, it’s that whole wheel again, right? Yeah. Okay. And the, the last one I’ll just bring up real quick cause I don’t gotta wrap up.

[00:47:54] Melanie: Uh, mentors, I love that you talk about the mentors, uh, on, on the other side. Yeah. On page 3 27. And you say there are mentors all around you if you look for them, some of whom you may see every day and others you may never meet in person. Yep. Uh, if you feel most of your time with like trashy tv, conversations with toxic people and friends or family who tear you down, They’re teaching you something.

[00:48:18] Melanie: You’re also being taught something. When you surround yourself with people who see the best in you, who fill your head with messages that inspire and lift you up, every minute of every day, you’re learning. What you allow into your mind is teaching you something. So what are you learning? Mentorship is a filter for what you allow in your.

[00:48:37] Melanie: I love that concept. Building a community of mentors isn’t just about who you bring in. It’s also about who you filter out. Create a community of mentors who will empower you. I firmly believe that the quality of your community of mentors will determine the quality of your life.

[00:48:54] Chad: Yeah, I, again, I not so bright, so I grew up thinking that that some old man with white hair is eventually gonna show up in my.

[00:49:06] Chad: He is gonna show me all the ways of the world. He’s gonna keep me from making mistakes, He’s gonna create opportunities for me. And dude never showed up. And honestly, I, I don’t know if I was in a place that had he shown up, I would’ve allowed it. So I had to get, I had to redefine mentorship because I quickly realized as I was building businesses and nonprofits that I, I need help.

[00:49:28] Chad: and you know, and so what I talk about in the book is build a community of mentors and ask some, some of them may be alive, some of them may be dead. That’s okay. But, but look to the people that are doing something to inspire you to live your best life and follow what they did. Listen, build your life with their messaging, right?

[00:49:48] Chad: And I, I talk about it in the book, Be very careful about how you direct it and understand that mentors are people too. I don’t like cancel. I don’t like that we look at somebody and because they make a mistake, we show no grace. We don’t allow for forgiveness, and we just ask them. Yeah, that’s, that’s not humanity.

[00:50:08] Chad: So your mentors are human beings. I’m gonna go to Tiger Woods for golf advice. I’m not gonna go for marriage advice. He’s human. I’m gonna go to Warren Buffet for financial advice. I’m not gonna go for dance lessons, right? So be, be conscientious about who you’re inviting into your life, and then show them grace, because someday you are gonna be the mentor.

[00:50:33] Chad: And you’re gonna want that same grace. I

[00:50:35] Melanie: love that. I love that. Um, you know, I, I wanna end on, uh, on a fun thing. Like, remember when you would do your show, and we would always do, like, we draw a card and it would be some random question. Remember that?

[00:50:51] Melanie: So I’ve not done this with anybody, but you, my dear. But it’s the, What’s your word? Cards. I don’t know if you’re familiar with that. So I’m just gonna pick a random card and ask you the question at the final. Are you good with that? All right. Ready? I wish you could pick Ready . Okay. What moves you to tears or gives you goosebumps?

[00:51:12] Chad: Uh,

[00:51:19] Chad: well, like I said, I’ve, I’ve had some health issues lately, um, and been in the hospital and what has moved me to tears recently has. Feeling my husband’s love for me. Mm. Um, having that person that when things were really, really bad are there for you. Yeah. There’s nothing quite like that. Yeah.

[00:51:52] Melanie: That’s beautiful. And here you are in a new city and you just moved there for this amazing opportunity. Tasha got with the, it, it’s the, it’s the San Francisco Conservatory Music. Mm-hmm. Conservatory of Music. He’s an amazing violinist. Right? So that’s great teacher. So great teacher. And so you, you’ve moved there and, um, have this new life and then you have this scare at the hospital.

[00:52:13] Melanie: You know, you don’t really have a friend circle there yet. Right. So

[00:52:17] Chad: we actually, we have, we have had some really great friends. That’s, that’s, that’s an odd side effect of something happening is you’ve, you’ve learned really quickly who your friends are. That is so true. Know who showed up. Who showed up.

[00:52:31] Chad: Yeah, it was, yeah, it was enlightening. .

[00:52:34] Melanie: Well, I’m so glad you’re feeling better. You look great.

[00:52:36] Chad: Thank you. You look back. You too. It’s so good to talk to you. I just, I love you, Melanie. I think that you’re amazing and just keep shining your light, babe. It’s great.

[00:52:46] Melanie: Honey, we, Well, and this is to be continued because you and I got things to do out there, and I, I love what you’re doing.

[00:52:51] Melanie: And so if you want more information, again, you can get his book on Amazon. That’s where I got it. So you can just order it there, and then you can also go to Chad p.com. That’s p e e v y.com. And he has a bunch of resources and he is doing all kinds of events and stuff like that. So, uh, I, if, if this spoke to you today, Chad’s a really great person to follow and would be a great mentor in your.

[00:53:15] Melanie: My work has been .

[00:53:16] Chad: Melanie, that is it. If you don’t love Melanie, there’s gotta be something wrong with you. Thank you guys so much for listening, and until next time, take care.